My Genetic Journey (How a DNA test changed my life and the lives of those around me)

The life of a donor-conceived person is a unique one.  It tends to be isolating and most donor-conceived people have never met another person like them.  Little studies have been done on what the ramifications and the life long effects of a donor-conceived person are.  When Googling studies on donor-conceived people most link to studies done on adopted children.  Most of the time the adoption studies can fit into what a donor-conceived person feels like but it is not quite the same.  Adoption studies say that a child that is told after the age of 3 that they are adopted is a late notification, yet it is common practice to tell parents of donor-conceived children to never tell that child or anyone else. Really the donor-conceived community is new.  Donor conception really didn't take off till the late '70s and wasn't socially acceptable until the gay and lesbian community started using donor conception to conceive in the early 2000s.  So really you ha...

In the first days of finding out I was donor conceived I felt strongly that I didn't want to know or have a relationship with my biological father and half siblings.  I already had a wonderful father and 2 wonderful sisters.  I felt a lack of interest in knowing these other DNA relatives and a betrayal to my family if I did look for any of them.  However as those first early days turned in to a week, then two weeks I felt a nagging feeling to know who these people were.  What did they look like?  Did we have things in common? I ended up messaging all of the half siblings on Facebook.  Four of them wrote me back and we had small, somewhat awkward, conversations.  There was an immediate spark of interest and I craved to know them better and to keep the conversation going.  By the end of January when I discovered who our sperm donor was I put all five of us in a group chat and dropped the bomb shell on who he was.  That traumatic revelation ...

You receive your DNA results back from the commercial company you selected and it tells you your parent is not your biological parent.  Now what?  Due to a large number of kids in the 70's, 80's, & 90's being donor conceived by anonymous donation most with parents who kept it a secret, there are many Facebook groups that offer help in understanding your DNA results and learning how to use it to track down biological family.  When I learned I was donor conceived a simple Google search of 'donor conceived'  led me to several websites.  On those websites there were recommendations for Facebook groups like 'DNA Detectives', 'DNA Detectives (for the donor conceived)', 'We are Donor Conceived'.  These private groups require you to read their rules, answer a few questions, and then wait for approval to be accepted into the group.  Once accepted you are part of an online community that is just like you, people looking for their biological familie...

I have read many interviews from donor conceived people, especially those like me who were not told as children but found out as adults, mostly by mistake.  So many describe having felt something while they were growing up.  A sense of not belonging, of not fitting in, but they could never quite figure out why they felt that way.  I never felt like I didn't belong with my parents but I do remember asking questions to my mom about her fertility and my dad's fertility.  I knew my dad survived testicular cancer and I knew my mom had her own fertility issues.  I had asked or mentioned several times over the years from a teen clear in to my adult years how Dad was so lucky to still be able to father children. I remember one time in particular joking and asking if I was their biological daughter.  I've also always wondered, especially as I got older, why I looked nothing like my father and his family.  His family has very distinct physical characteristics....

On New Year's Day I had arranged to meet with my two sisters.  I had texted them both on New Year's Eve asking if they could meet with me the following day.  They were both concerned by my text and wanted to know what was wrong.  I assured them both that everyone was safe and healthy but that what I needed to talk to them about needed to be done in person. All day on the first I was a ball of nerves.  Not only was I reeling from the shock of my life but I was trying to mentally prepare to tell my sisters.  I didn't know how they both fit in to this.  I assumed my middle sister, Tonya, was donor conceived like me.  The dates, places, life events were the same as mine.  My baby sister Lucy, came much later in life in a different state, different doctors, and she was a complete and total oops baby.  Tonya and I, I knew, had been meticulously planned.  I also felt so guilty about telling them my news.  If I hadn't of taken that stupid...

I've always been super in to history, especially my family history.  I've grown up LDS my whole life.  People in the LDS church are taught to do genealogy at a very young age and are encouraged to do it through out their whole lives.  I am the only one in my family who really took to it and enjoyed doing it.  I love learning and thinking about where my family came from, what they did, what hardships they had to over come.  I love thinking about how they looked, what I inherited.  I've been curious to their personalities, their likes and dislikes, what was passed down to me.  I have always felt my past family members had a little something to do with the shaping of me and in turn I felt that I would have that same effect on those coming after me. I have always had an exceptional interest about my father's side.  I always felt an extreme connection to my paternal grandfather.  My paternal grandfather died when I was only 1-year old but I felt...